jesus effing christ

[this was originally a very emotionally charged post dealing with my feelings about being here and and in an environment with deeply religious undertones.  i was uncontrollably angry after tuesday nights ESL class, and since lately i’ve had no outlet for stress, all of this has been very hard for me.  i decided to delete the post altogether because out of anger and frustration, i may have come off ignorant and disrespectful.  i respect all people and their faith, whatever stories you may believe, but imagine a vegetarian in a butcher shop and you might understand how i feel.]

omg

the saigon sun was, to put it lightly, unforgiving today.  what else could i do but crank up the AC to 22degrees (celcius, people) and snooze the afternoon away?  i successfully spent about 4 and a half hours staring at the back of my eyelids… it wasnt a choice, it was the only option.  we’ll see if i can sleep tonight, but i’m not at all disappointed with how today played out.  hope it rains tomorrow.

33

i thought i’d take a minute to post in honor of my grandparent’s 33rd anniversary (they were quick to point out that this is the day they married at the church, not the courthouse).  a few days ago my grandma asked me how to make whipped cream because she was going to make a cake.  and tonight she whipped out her own special cake of raisins, rum, and chocolate with a whipped cream topping adorned with strawberries and kiwis to celebrate the past 33 years of marriage.  the kiwis in the heart were cut to look like 3’s.  cute, huh.

you can’t hate rain if you’re in vietnam

well the rainy season (mùa mưa) is here.  i mean, don’t get me wrong.  its been here.  but if anything, it was pretty subtle before, with short showers scattered through the day, providing the least bit of relief from the harsh vietnam sun.  nowadays, the rains last all day.  i wake in the morning to be surrounded by that grey glow of rain clouds.  i sit through class comfortably not dripping pools of my own sweat, but uncomfortably sitting in drenched pants with wet feet to match.  naps in the afternoon are much easier now that its rarer these days to have to hide from the sun.  but waking up from those naps is probably the hardest thing–ever (trust me, i give in and sleep a few hours each afternoon and its impossible to go to sleep at night.  on this schedule, i’m all kinds of crazy…).  and i guess motorbikes don’t seem so practical now, since the raincoats only kind of keep you dry.  and the huge floods in the streets just cant be good for those machines!!  my ride to school this morning was a trip.  it wasnt raining at first, but then WOOSH.  pouring.  got under my driver’s raincoat.  on the back of the bike.  cant see anything except the back of his teal plaid shirt.  no sense of direction, cant see the potholes, and all the honking just enveloping me.  scariest 25 minutes of my life!  not to mention, i was soaked thru when i arrived at school.  but hey, i made it.

i really used to despise rain.  like hate hate.  not so much from being wet, more from the inconveniences from getting wet.  running makeup, frizzy undone hair, ruined shoes.  wet socks are the worst.  but since being here, i havent been wearing much makeup, i dont do anything to my hair, and all my sandals are ruined now anyways…who cares if it rains some today and rains even more tomorrow?  not me.  bring it on. its a nice liberation from those gripes i had at home, and although i don’t doubt i’ll return to those ways come september, at least i’ll know what a thunderstorm really is (you guys don’t know, you just don’t).

in literature news…

“the alchemists have a saying: ‘tertium non datur.’  the third is not given. that is, the transformation from one element into another, from waste matter into best gold is a mystery, not a formula.  no one can predict what will form out of the tensions of opposites and effect a healing change between them.  and so it is with the mind that moves from its prison to a free and vast plain without any movement at all.  something new has entered the process.  we can only guess.”
-jeanette winterson

“the third is not given.”  i found those words really intriguing.  meditated on them for a while today in hopes of finding that perfect mantra that brings me balance and light.  something in my mind is troubling me, though, and meditating lately has been very difficult.  i know, isn’t that the point?  to ease my mind and release the tension?  but hey i’m still me and if you know anything about how my mind works…well, i won’t go on.  in any case, i’d say i did okay.  bình thường.

went to the bookstore downtown today and found not one but FOUR tom robbins books i have yet to read.  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. bought two for now, crossing my fingers that the other two will be waiting, smiling for me when i finish these.  this is wonderful news.  absolutely wonderful.

got the final exam for my vietnamese class in the morning!  🙂

excitement

what am i excited for, you wonder?  i’ll get to that.

yesterday/last night was super sweet as expected.  was introduced a little piece of paradise right on the outskirts of the city complete with awesome pool, and later in the evening took advantage of the saigon nightlife and learned great new drinking games to take back with me to the states…haha.

today went to the movies with cousin Erin (who is a proud new member of the motorbiking population of saigon!) and some of her friends for the Star Trek extravaganza.  and although very humorous at times, a great cast, amaaaaaazing visual effects…i still don’t think i’ll ever be a fan of science fiction.  but i will say i definitely liked it and think alotta my friends would enjoy it.

IM STOKED.  tomorrow starts day 1 of freedom!!  erin will be going to Dalat for a few days so i have been summoned to stay at her place in district 1 to take care of her baby darling chihuahua-mix, Makua.  so that meanssssss i am on my own until wednesday!!!!!!  this may not seem a big deal to you, reader, but let me reiterate how completely caged in i feel…24/7.  to live under grandma’s roof is…a job in and of itself.  always polite (this is exhausting), listening to prayers (this is torture), asking to go out or do every little thing (don’t get me started)…even if just for a few days, the taste of independence may help keep a smile on my face for more than a little bit at a time.  these days i really need it.  not to mention, the dog is adorable.  i’m just really excited to be able to be in district 1, right in the thick of things, walking distance to so many places…itll be nice to wander around by myself for a bit.  where grandma lives is in a district pretty far from downtown, and having to take buses and taxis is such a bother sometimes.

soooooooo next time i post i will be breathing a bit easier.  just in the knick of time…i’ve been losing my mind!  talk to you all then 🙂

what i learned in class

“không say không về”

means something like…”if im not drunk im not going home”

now…off to use my new [super useful] vietnamese!! 🙂

survival

FINALLY i am back and connected to the world after a grueling 36 hours without electricity here at grandma’s house.  and if you think its easy to do here in vietnam, i dare you to come try it.  no AC, no fans, no tv, no internet, no lights after 630pm, windows open, mosquito swarms, sticky nights, STICKIER days, no fridge, no freezer, no ice in my water, no phone charger, ipod was dead, no nothin.  and i survived.  after all day yesterday and the majority of today spent in an amish twilight zone, i am more thankful than ever for benjamin franklin (he’s the kite guy, right?)

the only thing i really really could’ve done without: the mosquitoes that somehow found me at 3am in the morning and continued to repeatedly bite me again and again until i was forced out of bed to reapply the green oil that somehow helps the itching and my trusted (maybe not so much anymore) OFF! bug repellent.  i try not to take it personally, but seriously…what did i ever do to deserve this torturous wrath of the midnight mosquito population?  they friggin’ love me.  its a love/hate thing.

so here are some pics! (takeout food since we didnt want to cook, the tiniest bananas!!, a not-so-romantic candlelit dinner, and an update on my sandal tan)

❤

breakthrough

this morning at breakfast, i taught grandma to reply to a text message.  10 minutes after a short verbal lesson, example, and trial run, she successfully sent her first text!  welcome to 2009, g-ma.  (something tells me i will have to explain the process again…)

ta-ta for now

same same, but different

won’t be online for a few days
shifting focus to mental health
ttyl