chugging along

just writing a quick note to tell you all that i’m still alive.

hopped off the blogging train for a little while (what was that, a month?) but i’ll be back soon i promise.

love!

the saddest day

in this moment, this very moment, i know i am on the wrong side of the world.

i wish i could be there for you, for all of you, because you’re like family to me.  im so sorry for your loss.  words cannot explain the feelings i have.

im such a mess of emotions right now i cant even think.  push it all aside and i become numb.  i wanted to be that person to hold my best friend and make her feel the slightest bit better, at least make her feel like she’s not alone in the worst of times, because thats the kind of best friend i want to be.  but i cant.  and right now i can only think about how im here and right now i need someone to hold me.  we’ve all got to get through this, together and alone.

rest in peace, mr wong.  we love you.

keep it down would ya

so its summer vacation here…meaning no vietnamese classes for two weeks.  unfortunately there seems to be some construction goin on at the house across the street, with obnoxiously loud banging/jack hammer-ing starting at 7am every morning.  no meditating for me til their work is done.

finished another book called The White Tiger by Aravind Adiga.  deals with contemporary india and delivers all the unappealing flavors of the country and insights into corruption and class.  the main character was magnetic–and i found myself totally lost in learning about how to take charge of one’s enslaved life and being a ‘white tiger’.  i couldnt put it down.  this book actually won the man booker prize and i can see why.  recommended.

an unsettling discovery

well, i got back yesterday from my week long tour in malaysia and singapore.

only to discover that the maid stole upwards of $130 from me while i was away.

she went through my closet and took my wallet which was wrapped in a tshirt in the back.

fortunately, she left my drivers license and credit card.

i told grandma she should get a safe, she looked at me like i was crazy.

not sure where to hide my valuables anymore.

more about malaysia and singapore later when im not so distraught.

do you know how far 100USD will go here?  oh, the possibilities.

😦

crash diet

ok its official.  going on a diet.  grandma says the old lady down the street told her to stop feeding me so much because im getting fat.  she might have been kidding, or maybe grandma was kidding me.  either way im cutting it down and crying myself to sleep for my midday nap.

singapore tomorrow.

“i want to stay here forever”

don’t get excited, mommy and daddy.  i don’t REALLY want to stay.  but those words, “i want to stay here forever”, definitely came out of my mouth while in Nha Trang for the past few days.  AWESOME.  who wouldnt love a typical beach town with vietnamese food/culture?  if i ever come back to vn thats where im going.  nha trang.

i dont even really know where to begin.

mudbath:  crazy cool experience that took place at a mudbath resort up in the hills.  the view of this place riveled homes in california (im assuming).  but really, great views of the water, the islands far away.  hot mudbath in a jacuzzi-esque tub, followed by a hydrotherapy water stream, then a mineral bath, a hot water pool, a cold water pool, then a waterfall tub.  sooooo relaxing and peaceful since we went super early in the morning.  as for my skin, i like to think its smoother but to be honest with you, my skin was pretty smooth to begin with 🙂

new food:  i tried raw sea urchin!  not bad, kinda like a mushy oyster.  but i believe everything can be fixed with a little bit of lime/salt/pepper.  as for kangaroo…it was actually pretty tasty, simliar to venison.  whatever i love meat (no comments neccessary).

foot massage:  yes i gave in and let them rub my feet.  i sold my foot-sy soul for a couple of bucks.  and it wasnt bad.  actually pretty nice.  but im not sure i’ll ever do it again.  ew.  feet.

aquarium:  now the aquarium on one of the islands that we visited nowhere near rivals that of baltimore (all hail baltimore)…but it LOOKED like it coulda been cool.  it was a stone structure that looked like a pirate ship and inside were uncovered tanks.  too bad…we wasted our dollar or two on an aquarium whose fish inventory was quite subpar, with the tiniest fish on the planet contained in huge tanks.  saw a seahorse–one.  singular.  the views from the aquarium were quite nice though, i took some pictures, that was about it.

beach:  beauuuuuuuuuutiful clear water at a perfect temperature.  super sweet chairs you could rent for next to nothing and sit all day.  people on the beach selling fruit, lobsters, scarves, books, sunglasses, beer…anything you could want you could have.  i did get to go to the beach early one morning around 630am and the water was fabulous.  cool, not cold, water.  no waves, but it was nice to float in.  i took one moment to bend my head backwards while lying in the water and found that the sky looks a million times more expansive when youre upside down.  ironically put things into perspective for me.

train ride:  the nighttime train rides to and from nha trang were 11hrs each in sleeping bunks, 4 to a room.  me and my great aunts (and a friend of theirs) shared a room, and though everyone else in my family had to take an ambien to get a good nights rest, i had a different experience.  i think those two nights of sleeping were the best nights sleep ive gotten since ive been in vietnam, 3 months ago.  something about the vibrations of the train must have rocked my sweet baby butt to sleep.  rockabye tra-mi.

thats all i can think of for now, but dude, it was truly a super cool vacation in nha trang for the past few days.  i say vacation because all we (like 20some of us) did was relax, eat, and sleep.  what a life.

the kingdom of cambodia

wow.

just wow.

cambodia was awesome.  might be on the top 3 places ive ever visited.  we stayed in Siem Reap (at a sweet hotel) for two nights, visited a few of the temples including Angkor Wat, and also stayed in Phnom Penh for a night.  the temples were…beyond words.  even pictures dont do them justice (plug: mine are on my flickr!!!! CHECK THEM OUT!).  its amazing to be able to visit and stand at the very site where the center of a kingdom sat, the power just overwhelmed me.  the exquisite bas-reliefs, the detailed sculptures, the grandiose scale of it all…i was in awe.

and the people–most of them so poor, begging for money, the children hardest of all to turn down as they cried so hard with their hands sticking thru the windows of our bus…the experience with those people was really touching.  everyone else is so generous, so accomodating, so hardworking.  its a different kind of society out here in the east and cambodia really exaggerated that point for me.  sights of the countryside and the way people live was kind of inspirational.  basically shacks, these people make do with what theyve got.

other thoughts: food was very similar to vietnam. wayyyyy more cars than saigon. maybe 50/50 cars and bikes.  toyota camrys to be exact.  cows all over the place in the countryside, gotta watch out for them on the road…but they are the skinniest cows ive ever seen. nothin but skin n bones.  no speed limits.  even crazier than that, wearing a helmet on a motorbike isnt neccessary.  now thats just ridiculous.  cambodian massages, which apparently are just like those of the thai persuasion, were greattttt.  got a full body massage which was pretty rough and intense, with this girl walking on my back and stretching out all my limbs…it was kind of amazing.  got another full body oil massage which was not as intense but just as satisfying!  bought some souvenirs for friends (or they may end up being for me..) and came to the conclusion that shopping in cambodia is cheaper than saigon.

a wonderful few days.  leaving for nha trang (vietnam) tomorrow evening. ❤

what can i say, i’m a dreamer

have i mentioned yet that i have been experiencing the most intense & vivid dreams lately?  well, i have.  i havent decided if i do or don’t believe that dreams mean anything…like dreams symbolically poking into my subconscious.  like a door meaning an opportunity…or the image of a rope meaning a promise (i looked that up).  i tend to side with the idea that dreams are simply a collection of random thoughts that meld together to create a modge-podge storyline that usually never has a reasonable conclusion.  its interesting that i dream about thoughts i mull over all day, as well as thoughts that just seem to float in and fly away.  over the past few months i’ve been keeping a record of my dreams, writing down as much as i can recall–not for any analytical reasons, but to record the workings of my mind, to preserve the endless possibilities that lay in the fields of my imagination, and to ultimately remind myself of the fleeting genius (potential genius, that is) we each contain inside otherwise focused everyday thought processes.  i kinda sound like a dreamer, don’t i?  i’m not trying to sound philosophical.  i guess its just super sweet (thats a technical term) to find that a lil bit of shuteye could propel me in any which direction, fashioning dreams unpredictable, sometimes scary, yet always interesting.

through recent patterns of observation i’ve realized that i dream most vividly during my midday snooze sessions.  those four hours every afternoon really do it for me.

optimism

i know ive been a little off the blogging train but since i last posted, i have calmed down quite a bit.  might even say i’ve developed a little perspective, and realized im happy to have left some things/people at home.  a new found sense of optimism sheds a new light on the next 2 and a half months ill be here.

i’ll rundown the past week’s events in bullet form (what i can remember at least):

• hung out with daddy’s side of the family from hanoi since they were here in saigon to attend a great uncle’s funeral.  ate some bangin food, visited the temple, and successfully got thru 3 hours with a group of people who collectively speak no english whatsoever
• had sushi twice
• took the bus downtown and my bus attendant buddy decided to engage me in full viet conversation with the driver and 3 other passengers…they told me i was pretty, tall, and good at vietnamese so far…even though they laughed at me most of the ride
• posted pictures on my flickr…you should click the link to the right —–>
• got my hair cut at a “five star salon” and now my hair is 4 and a half inches shorter
• finished reading another book. make that 12
• filled up an entire journal with the last 3 months stream of consciousness and dream log…on to the next
• painted my nails (if only you guys could see them. red tips!)

life is beautiful, guys.

still heated

its a new day.

somehow still very upset.

seeing as how i want to cry, kick, scream, and throw things until someone hears me…i think theres a big part of me that isnt mature enough to handle being here under these circumstances.

i’d gladly leave tomorrow if i didnt have to listen to this crap anymore.